Love and Infatuation can really be convincing most times. Most Adults and Teens experience infatuation and mistake it for love, (I have been a victim of this) so you’re probably not going to escape dealing with this one.
Actually, the infatuation stage at the beginning of a dating relationship is very similar to the brain chemistry in drug users. According to Psychology Today, there are striking similarities between the brain state of someone in the beginning infatuation stage of a new relationship and someone smoking crack cocaine.
Like crack cocaine, falling for a new love interest releases massive amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine that induce the same euphoric effects. If that isn’t sobering, consider this; smoking crack cocaine enhances mood, heightens sexual interest, boosts self-confidence and promotes an overall heightened sense of consciousness. Sound familiar?
What does this mean for Christians in the dating scene hoping to find “The One”? How do we discern between chemically fueled infatuation and Christ-centered love? It’s hard to not be overcome with emotion when we finally meet someone who seems to fit most of our Christian criteria.
See Also: 7 KEYS TO A FANTASTIC MARRIAGE
To me, Love is when you care very strongly and very deeply about another person. When you love someone, you are there to support them, you work together to solve problems, you’re willing to stand by this person in good times and bad, and you wish nothing more than to watch and help this person grow.
Infatuation (also referred to as “lust”) has a few great things going for it too. Infatuation gives you goosebumps. It puts that silly smile on your face that you can't seem to shake. It fills your mind with wonderful daydreams. And, of course, many love relationships start out as infatuation.
While I would like nothing more than for you to have found your God-given match, I implore you to proceed with caution. In a whirlwind of emotions, it’s natural to get thrown off balance when we meet someone we really like.
Therefore, it’s important to know the difference between infatuation and love that stands the tests of trial and time. Here’s how to tell the difference.
- Love develops gradually over time. Infatuation occurs almost instantaneously.
- Love can last a long time. It becomes deeper and more powerful over time. Infatuation is powerful but short-lived.
- Love accepts the whole person, imperfections and all. Infatuation flourishes on perfection – you have an idealized image of your partner and you only show your partner your good side.
- Love is more than physical attraction. Infatuation focuses on the physical.
- Love is energizing. Infatuation is draining.
- Love improves your overall disposition. Infatuation brings out jealousy and obsessiveness. It causes you to neglect other relationships.
- Loves survive arguments. Infatuation glosses over arguments.
- Love considers the other person. Infatuation is selfish.
- Love is being in love with a person. Infatuation is being in love with love.
Ever wondered why the beginning of a dating relationship feels like an emotional roller coaster? That special person makes you feel like you’re walking on a cloud one day but can just as easily plunge you to the depths of uncertainty the next. It may feel like falling but it’s not love.
When you’re infatuated, 80 percent of the dramatic highs and lows are based on how you feel. Unfortunately, these feelings are fleeting; infatuation is fueled by hormones, chemicals and false ideals tossed around like waves in a storm.
On the other hand, love is consistent, grounded, unwavering and has more to do with a deep sense of conviction than mere feelings. Love won’t falter because your partner said the wrong thing or forgot to call you that day.
While infatuation is transactional in nature, in that both people’s actions are fueled by how the other person makes them feel, love is selfless. If you talk to couples who have been married for years, real love is a daily choice to serve your partner without the expectation of anything in return.
While infatuation ceases as soon as the chemicals subside, true love endures even when you don’t feel like it.
Infatuation is based on superficial attributes while love is built on foundational principles.
While infatuation can look like love on the surface and is often mistaken for it, the foundational truths that each are built on are vastly different. These foundations are the most important indicators of whether you’re infatuated or if there is potential for true love to blossom.
To be clear, attraction and chemistry aren’t inherently wrong. God created chemistry and it remains one of the most powerful initial signs when you first meet “The One.”
Back in biblical times, Jacob knew Rebecca was his wife as soon as he laid eyes on her. But these days, it’s highly unlikely that bae will receive a divine revelation and pick you for marriage while you’re hanging by a well.
Having a strong connection with a new love interest comes in handy and isn’t unbiblical if it’s supported by Godly standards and principles.
Feelings of infatuation should never trump your God-given standards for a future partner.
When evaluating someone you have feelings for, pay attention to the fruit of their life. Are they actively pursuing Christ? Are they loving, generous and caring? Are they emotionally and spiritually ready for a relationship? Are they walking in purity?
If you can’t reconcile your affections with these standards, it’s not love. It’s just your hormones playing with your head. Take a cold shower and find someone who stands on a Godly foundation.
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